The Feral Truth About Never Fully Relaxing

The Feral Truth:

You technically have a moment.

Nothing is happening.

No one is calling your name.

No alarms.

No chaos.

You could relax.

So… why can’t you?

Why does your body still feel like it’s bracing for impact?

You sit down.

Pick up your phone.

Try to zone out for a second.

And your brain goes:

Did I give that medication?What time is the next dose?What if something changes?What if I miss it?

So you don’t actually relax.

You hover.

Half-present.

Half-listening.

Waiting for something to interrupt you.

Because it always does.

And over time…your body learns something you didn’t consciously decide:

Calm is temporary.

So it stops trusting it.

That’s the part no one talks about.

How even when you can rest…you don’t know how anymore.

Because real rest requires:

letting your guard down and your brain refuses to do that shit now

It’s not dramatic.

It’s not obvious.

It’s just this constant low-level tension that never fully leaves.

And people will say:

“Take a break.”

Like it’s that simple.

But they don’t understand—

the break doesn’t feel like a break when your brain is still on call.

So you scroll.

You sit.

You pretend you’re resting.

But you’re still:

listening

thinking

waiting

Always waiting.

And that’s exhausting in a way sleep doesn’t fix.

That’s the Feral Truth.

Yours in chaos,

~Kari, The Feral Caregiver