The Feral Truth About Being the Information Gatekeeper

The Feral Truth:

You didn’t mean to become the spokesperson.

It just… happened.

Somewhere between the first diagnosis, the first hospital visit, the first “what did the doctor say?” text—

you became the one.

The one who knows everything. The one who updates everyone. The one who translates the chaos into something other people can understand.

And at first, it makes sense.

People care. They want to know what’s going on. They’re trying to stay connected.

But then it doesn’t stop.

It becomes:

• texts coming in while you’re sitting in a waiting room

• calls while you’re trying to listen to a doctor

• messages asking for updates before you’ve even processed them yourself

And suddenly, you’re not just dealing with the situation…

You’re managing everyone else’s reaction to it.

You’re: rewriting the same update five different ways softening the scary parts leaving out the things you don’t want to say out loud yet

You’re filtering information in real time while still trying to understand it yourself.

And it’s exhausting in a way that doesn’t make sense to anyone else.

Because they think you’re just “keeping people posted.”

But you know the truth.

You’re carrying:

• the facts

• the emotions

• the responsibility of saying it “right”

All at once.

And God forbid you don’t respond right away.

Because then the follow-ups start.

“Any updates?”

“What’s going on?”

“Did you hear anything?”

Meanwhile you’re sitting there like—

I barely heard it myself.

I haven’t even had a second to feel it.

I don’t even know what this means yet.

But sure… let me package it up nicely for everyone else.

That’s the part that gets to you.

Not the updating.

The pressure.

To be clear.

To be calm.

To be the reliable source of information when you feel anything but.

And sometimes?

You just want to throw your phone across the room and disappear for a minute.

Not because you don’t care.

But because you care so much and you’re so fucking tired.

So if you’ve ever:

• ignored a message because you couldn’t do it one more time

• copied and pasted an update because you didn’t have the energy to rewrite it

• or waited until you were emotionally ready to respond

You’re not being rude.

You’re protecting what little energy you have left.

Because being the information gatekeeper isn’t just about sharing updates.

It’s about carrying the weight of them.

And that shit adds up.

That’s the Feral Truth.

Yours in chaos,

~Kari, The Feral Caregiver